Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
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