New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
The struggles of a small town man whore
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
So apparently I’m into choking now
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