Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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