So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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