I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
