His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
