All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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