i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
