sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
