Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
