where am i from again
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
