I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Randomize
