Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
