My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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