ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
i need some magic done to my vagina
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Randomize
