Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
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