i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
