I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize