I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
