I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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