its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
