I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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