So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
