im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
