so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Randomize
