there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
