"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
