apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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