The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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