he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
