there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I need moral support for this bender
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
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