I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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