Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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