you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
