he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
