I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I just found a bag of teeth...
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
