I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
