Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
did i walk over a car last night?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
