the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
