Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
