If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
