you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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