You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I deserve this hangover.
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