this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
