I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
they're like a gay fantastic four
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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