Someone shit on the floor
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
