my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
