i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
