she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
People in love make me want to vomit
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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