I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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