I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
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