Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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