the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
