I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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