i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
