You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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