I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
