Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
This is the prime rib incident all over again
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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