The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
