I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
