is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
