Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
