so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
