dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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