I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
